There's something about having no time to think that when you're finally allowed some time to contemplate for a bit, it really makes things much clearer. Maybe it's because jolting to a sudden halt after you've gain so much tempo doing what you do has something to do with it. Everytime I get some time to myself, I'm like, "Oh. So this is where I am." I realise things aren't a massive blur anymore, I'm not running, and things are pin-sharp, fully-focused, and...there.
The most of us harbour vague, lofty ambitions about seeing everything the world has to offer, making it big, opening a cafe cum bookstore cum vintage thrift store (ok maybe this one isn't so vague). I get obsessed with these big, grand ideas for a whole of 5 minutes, making mood boards and dreaming and thinking how amazing it'd be to finally make it, legs propped up on my beautifully upcycled office desk, lazily drinking a strawberry mojito hubby Nick Zano made from the fruit he plucked from Martha Stewart's farm when she invited us over for tea. In the background, a chorus of cash registers is singing; my multi-million dollar party planning business is raking it in while I'm here getting drunk at 11 in the morning.
It's so terrible to wake up from this, so awful to realise not how far away that dream is, but how far YOU are from snuggling up to the taut, firm ass Kat Dennings currently has the rights and access to. Ahem.
My thoughts are running faster than my typing fingers, but I guess what I'm saying is, it's okay if you're 30 and you've yet to come up with an app that's going to overtake Instagram (lol fat hope #instaloyalty), or if you're 25 and you're still living with your parents (chill out, it's SINGAPORE), or if you're 22 and you're doing corporate communications for your old polytechnic when what you really want to do is throw fabulous soirees for Suri Cruise and gang, then write about it in fab rags that people will want to scan and upload onto Pinterest.
It's okay because it doesn't mean you've fucked it up for good, there are just some things that have been put in your way that you need to see and address before you slit your wrists and say you're done with this. If you screwed up the first time, find out what went wrong. It almost always can be helped.
"NO FAILURES, ONLY LEARNING EXPERIENCES", says just about every basic Tumblr account/yuppie motivational poster. But I promise you, that stuff is legit. You cannot let the bastards get you down. There is always something better or different to look forward to. If you can't see it, it's really because your eyes are still bleary from all the crying, or you've let a mistake become bigger than it actually is and you can't see around it.
I'm completely at peace with the things that are in my life currently. It has taken me a while to come to terms with it, and they're still not what I truly, surely want, but I think I'm doing pretty damn good for now.
Pretty preachy post, but I think this is for me more than anyone else. Ok bye I have to go look up ways on how to cook salmon now
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